To Loading My Pack (third letter)


You, the writing of these not sent letters and the selection of predominantly found images to accompany them, stolen moments of walking alone, the ad-hoc arrangement of facilities and rehearsal for collaborations in time, running jokes made unnecessarily complex, silly, absurd, directionless, recipes invented in process, empathetic communions within spontaneous, everyday interactions, the proliferation and mutation of concepts, interpretations and feelings – I can continue this list and probably should.  I can include the compiling of lists.  I am listing everything of me that cannot be taken from me, everything that remains unmediated and uncensored, that is not sold back to me.  I’m listing what capital can’t possess, despite the smoke and mirrors, the rapid and relentless deployment of mimetic desires, grizzly material impositions and false equivalencies.
I’m listing what’s within my means despite externally imposed limits, what has not fallen to the undead enemy, what I create without permission or prerequisite, what is alive (both priceless and free).  I am listing an inalienable means of production.  A pack might be taken from me but it doesn’t have to be the end of us.  We exist in ways that can’t be named, colonized or confiscated.  I’d most likely gather whatever was still available and make the most suitable arrangement possible.  The circumstances are not the thing.  There is no thing.  What I choose to do, given the way things are, cannot be obtained.  What I choose to do with what is can never be adequately represented (and will never be reduced to appearances).  It is all of ourselves, whatever that might be.  The rest is a living death, what the enemy wants to make of us.
What we choose to do under the circumstances creates consciousness.  Both the lie of our atomization, our bare lives as powerless, and our inherent historical agency are made known to us.  It’s an ongoing struggle for me to address any of this, but it has also become an undeniable compulsion.  Once engaged, it never stops.  You and I have many possible futures together.
The enemy has never been a choice, but they are a circumstance that can be changed.