To Julia (first letter)

Dear Julia,
I’ve been infatuated with the idea of you — my idea of you. Orwell may have made you up, but I’m not infatuated with my idea of him. I admire him though. Animals being promised pie in the sky is still a brilliant way of understanding a lot about the world. He wrote for reasons I deeply respect. He was there in Barcelona during the turning point of 1936:
“Waiters and shop-walkers looked you in the face and treated you as an equal. Servile and even ceremonial forms of speech had temporarily disappeared. Nobody said ‘Senor’ or ‘Don’ or even ‘Usted’; everyone called everyone else ‘Comrade’ and ‘Thou’ and said ‘Salud!’ instead of ‘Buenos dias….”
I saw the 1984 film adaptation of 1984 and there you were as I’d imagined you in my mind. Did everyone imagine the same Julia? John Hurt as Winston was really freaky. When I first struggled to read that book in grade five I pictured Winston as Hurt before I had any knowledge of Hurt. How did the Director and Casting Agent get into my head? Did Orwell somehow develop an impossible literature capable of predetermining the common visualizations of its content across cultures and generations?
Winston was probably modeled mostly on Orwell, but I considered him to be me in my stupidest, adolescent moments of romantic self-aggrandizement — alone, convinced of a reality and moral order withheld by authority, poor, somewhat sickly looking, determined, intellectually self-made, toiling in obscurity… I’ve always felt as if I could truly understand his attraction to you.
Suddenly there you were as I had always imagined — in a movie! How could this be possible? Of course it wasn’t you. It was the actress Suzanna Hamilton. I don’t know her from a hole in the wall.
If my idea of you came from me (from my subjective interpretation of Orwell’s work) I don’t know how strangers could incidentally replicate it so uncannily. Perhaps our desires are not our own.  Was this part of the book’s point, retroactively allowed for somehow by its structure?
Did I immediately forget my imagining of you upon seeing Hamilton on screen? Did she replace you without me realizing it?
jeremy