To Everyone Still Pretending (first letter)

When will you disregard achieving in this society, abandon living well or rightly within its strictures, stop caring if anyone cares?  What will it take?  Maybe, if you keep on as you have been, the world’s trajectory will eventually become so intolerable that you’ll have to stop anyway — but I suppose this scenario inverts the causality of our experience.  If our reality wasn’t already unbearable, you wouldn’t be pretending now, would you?
Have you noticed that the more we dream, the more divided we become, from each other and within ourselves?  Do you suspect your fantasies aren’t your own?  Do they reflect capital’s atomization of life?  Have they obliterated your ability to act?  To instigate historical change?  Are you pretending to have agency in staying calm and carrying on?  Do you still believe you can change the system from within?  How do you distinguish between belief and pretending anymore? 
Perhaps long ago (well before the the bourgeois revolution, preceding neolithic food surplus and the division of labour) culture articulated whatever meaning our togetherness generated, allowing us to trust one another, to form a gratefulness and belief in our interdependence, our shared being, but at this point it’s in and of the marketplace, equivalent to whatever else you can name.  I need to go elsewhere — a seemingly impossible, unimaginable place — despite grave doubts and an exhausted attention for anything, including my own ability to think.  
I want you to come with me.  When did you first recognize your efforts perpetuated the existing order?  Is that when you knew you were pretending?  Is that when you started to pretend?
We could have a future together.  It could be about ideas, about setting a collective example in abolishing hierarchy.  No more promotion into positions of influence for those competing without scruples or shame.   No more meetings, debates, talks and conferences over-determined by the brute demands of survival.
Humility and integrity might have context again.  When I was younger I didn’t know where to go, or what to do, but I knew I wanted justice in the world.  My proudest moments have come through empathy, sacrifice and struggle.  Everything else has been false, compromising, coerced.
The ongoing present is subsumed by violence, shortcuts, accessing and controlling information, resources, circumstances, others.  There’s no achievement here.  It’s a death cult.  Will this letter I can’t send get some of you off the fence?  Will you acknowledge what is and reject it?  Let’s get real here and now together.  Our solidarity will overcome.
jeremy